Making Room For My Marriage

Hubby and I have been together since 2009 and married since 2011. This journey has been one of the most easiest yet difficult things that I’ve ever had to do. But we’re pushing through. Over the years I’ve found myself acting out so many different versions of myself because of the weight of society’s boxes, that I had to pause, reflect and take a look at who I am as a woman of God first, then as a wife.

 In this current season, I’m learning how to not only make room for myself but make room for my marriage. I know it might sound weird, but how many of us are actually doing it? For me, my life used to revolve around my kids and work. I gave hubby whatever I had leftover and thought that was how marriage was supposed to work. God. Self. Kids. Marriage. WRONG!!! That’s society’s perspective of what “self-care” looks like, and I can’t operate from that mindset if I’m going to call myself a disciple of Christ. So in this season, I’m applying what I’ve learned over the years, and I’m making room for my marriage by:

Having a set cut off time from work- being a creative my brain never shuts off

Being consistent

Taking ownership and not making excuses

Putting hubby before the kids and after God (I learned this the hard way)

Having intentional date nights

Before getting married, date nights were always consistent, and my breath of fresh air.  They’re one of the tools that I believe help build a successful marriage. They help you to reconnect, regroup, and realign with your marriage goals and vision. But after 8 years of marriage, 4 kids, a business and being a sports family, date nights in the Smith household haven’t been consistent at all.

So a few weeks ago, I took hubby out on an impromptu date. We ended up at a restaurant we had been to before called Firebirds. The atmosphere is always dope, food is always amazing, and they have a great happy hour. (I live for good food and saving coins). 

We enjoyed each other’s company, and I expressed how I wanted to start having intentional date nights. Without any hesitation, hubby quickly agreed! So now, every Friday is date night! AND I convinced hubby to agree to go out with other couples once a month (because having married friends not only when you’re in church is important too). 

While we were out, I figured why not start our intentional date nights now. So after eating our dinner, we walked around, enjoying the warm summer air and great scenery. As we were walking to the car, I noticed a cute candle-making shop that a friend of mine told me about a few weeks back. I knew hubby probably wouldn’t be interested, but I stopped anyway. Hubby went straight to the sales/clearance rack, as usual, and once he found out that we could make essential oils, he was all for adding this experience to date night. The wall of fragrances had well over 100 common and unique smells. From Fresh Snow to Earth this place was sure to have a fragrance everyone could appreciate. 

One of the team members walked us through the process and got us set up. When we were finished collecting our supplies, we sat at a cute bar top area, where we ordered wine and received our next instructions. Hubby pretty much “took over” but I wasn’t complaining because he was actually participating in the activity! What I thought would be a quick 5-minute look around, turned into a 2.5-hour experience that was totally worth it!

We took home a 2oz. bottle of essential oil that smells just like cologne to me (YES LORD!) and our the memories of our first intentional date night.

Side note: We came back the next day just to get a daytime picture of the sign and one with me in it lol. I'll get better with actually being in the pictures vs being the photographer.

If you ever find yourself in Orange Village, Ohio, please stop by Candle Studio located inside of Pinecrest. Or check out their onsite movie theater, bowling alley or one of the many great restaurants that they have.

It’s time to be intentional about our families and over here that starts with being intentional about ourselves and marriages. How are you being intentional and making room for yours?

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