To move or cause to move from one place to another, especially over a small distance.
Shifting is uncomfortable.
Shifting can be painful.
Shifting can lead to depression when it’s mistaken for stagnation.
But shifting is necessary, and on the other side of it is a peace that surpasses all understanding.
You already know part of how my intentional journey started, but what you may not know is that the life I’m continuing to build and sustain every day took A LOT of shifting on my part. Attempting to navigate my way through all of my pain by myself, while trying to be everything to everybody else, left me feeling stuck. I had functioned in my dysfunction for so long, with no example or teaching, that I couldn’t even recognize that I was in my own way. Dysfunction was so normal to me that when God called my name in 2012 and told me to get out of my depression and follow Him, I talked myself out of listening. Not because I didn’t want to, but because peace wasn’t familiar, pain was. I wanted to be comfortable, more than I wanted to be at peace. So instead of getting up Gods’ way, I decided to do what society said would work; practice self-care by putting myself first. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup, right?
I used to focus on what made me happy and called it “my purpose.” I went back to school, obtained a few certifications, and was well on my way to opening my dream childcare center. But while I was busy practicing what I thought was self-care and pursuing my purpose, my husband and children were left to fend for themselves. Sure, I was still physically present while sitting on my laptop, but mentally, I was in my own world. It took me almost 3 years to realize that real self-care wasn’t about getting my hair and nails done, having a girls’ night or even “chasing after” what I thought was my purpose. Those were just temporary highs that allowed me to forget about my problems. I still felt stuck, overwhelmed, frustrated, and unfulfilled.
I finally grew tired of being tired and decided to give God a little bit of control. I wasn’t ready to surrender everything, but just enough to be somewhat happy and still in control.
It was during this time that I was introduced to the movie, the War Room. That movie was life-changing for me. Within two days of watching it, I had my own “war room” inside of my bedroom closet. I found myself praying more and surrendering more of myself each time I went in. I started praying for wisdom and started moving in the direction of Gods’ will for my life and not my own. Within a short amount of time, I was able to see how I had unintentionally spilled all of my dysfunction onto my children and how they were forced to marinate in my mess. It was at that moment that I knew the generational mindset and being that I was introduced to, was supposed to stop with me. How I was existing wasn’t the legacy I was suppose to pass down to my children. It was time to relinquish complete control over to God. It was time to fight myself for myself, and get out of my own way.
The Bible says in Romans 12:2:
“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”
So I knew I had to get out of society’s boxes by allowing God to transform my mind to align with His will for my life and not my own. I needed to see myself how God saw me. I needed to produce fruit that my children could benefit from because the journey that I was on wasn’t just about me. It was about the legacy of generations that I was created to SHIFT. It was about uncovering the mindsets of generational bondage and ignorance and replacing them with freedom. But none of this was easy. My mind felt like a warzone the majority of the time. One minute I was fine and having “normal moments” where I was operating at my maximum capacity, then somehow I allowed one thought to pull me right back into what seemed like a never-ending black hole. But I kept pushing. There were so many times when I wanted to give up, but when I started thinking of the generations after me, I couldn’t quit (and neither can you).
It’s taken me 6 years (after my depression) to realize the importance of Gods’ order. I’m learning how to stop self-sabotaging my life with my words and thoughts, and I’m no longer allowing dysfunction to control my life. My marriage and children are thriving (they all still get on my nerves but I’m blessed) and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
As you go into this week, remember real self-care is about holistically filling your cup first, so you can focus on pouring from the overflow.
We pour from saucers, not cups around here. So keep pushing! You got it!
Enjoyed this post? Share it!